blank & emotionless

I eventually think it is better for her. Being with her, it almost felt like that I was in one way or another holding her back. Or was she holding me back? We had lost the "spark".

Most importantly, she had been saying this to me for quite a while now that I had changed. Obviously, people do change when you start taking up responsibilities. I come from a business-oriented family, whereas, she was all about doing a job. I am not saying there's anything wrong with both the professional approaches. But one needs to understand, realize and accept the fact that two individuals with different professional approaches have difference in opinions. "Different" being the keyword here.

Anyhoo, all in all, she was an amazing person. A person that certainly everyone would love to have in their lives. Atleast, she used to make me feel complete. And that's what I always used to tell her. She was a like the missing piece of the puzzle for my life.

The only thing that I always disliked about her was that we used to fight a lot. Which is quite understandable - as it is genetic for girls. But when you are going through the roughest patch of your life professionally and everything that you worked for the last 5 years goes down the drain - the other person needs to take a step back and let the one suffering get some fresh air. Show them a new perspective. Basically, support them. This happened to me in start of 2009. And I strongly believe that was the time when we started drifting apart.

I know communication gap is one of the most common reason for a couple in a relationship to drift apart. That's what happened with us.

It took me 5 years to build-up an identity for myself in work industry and it took 6 months for everything I had earned to go down the drain in a new project. It was a huge set-back financially. Nevertheless, life moves on. I eventually would have moved on. One would know, it is difficult. But you certainly didn't made it any easier for me but feeling empathetic for your cousin who studied in Malaysia (really?) and is not able to get a job in Pakistan but certainly do not feel anything for my loss.

Start of 2009, I certainly made few mistakes. I had lost it, honestly. I couldn't think straight. Honestly, I couldn't. All I would think was how to get of this mess.

But fighting with me over the internet/phone when I am in a completely different continent trying to save my own ass doesn't makes my life any better. She could've realized this if she weren't selfish. But instead, she preferred to leave me secluded and enjoy and have a good time. I didn't had problems with that. But then, a few lines were crossed. It was 05-06-07 June. It was another huge blow for me. It would have been otherwise fine. That girl should have given it some thought, honestly. I mean wearing the dresses that I gifted you so that you can wear them when we both go out. But instead - you had a huge fight with me and then you wear them when you go out with other guys & then taking pictures for me to see. Sorry, I don't approve of it. Great work there, partner.

And then, when I try to argue and put some perspective into her - all she had to say was "it is a matter between Allah and her for what she did wrong". Well, if you really read Quran - you would've know that Allah doesn't forgives one until he seeks for forgiveness from the person who you had hurt in the first place.

Ever since then, nothing stayed the same. We both started drifting apart from each other. This whole "big" thing left a huge grudge inside me, honestly. From that point in time, till Decemer 2009 - our relationship went through a lot of ups and downs.

Very honestly, I do admit I also did injustice with her during this meanwhile. Things that I will keep regretting for the rest of my life. If I could ever take things back..

Come January 2011, it was her birthday. I called her at 1201 midnight. and she had already taken a lot of calls. Good start for your birthday. I called her at 12 but it was on call waiting. That's great news. The next morning I kept things light but she had to fight with me because her recently married best friend couldn't take 30 seconds out of her life to wish her on the birthday. She said no dinner and nothing. Very honestly, I was broke and I don't really plan financially so I couldn't send her any flowers and cake etc. But I certainly had planned to make it up for her by taking her to a lunch. But she said no as she was upset with her friend. I tried reasoning with her that she didn't need to ruin her day just because she cares more about her friend not wishing her. Instead, she fought with me over her. I got quite upset. I had a meeting with my customer later during the day and had to meet them over for dinner. The day goes by and we don't get to meet. Later, I got many taunts about this day but as usual - instead of accepting their own mistakes, girls have a easy way out by crying.

On my birthday, I received cake and flowers from her at my office. I am delighted. I tried calling her and asking her if we could go for dinner. She said no. After a lot of resistance, she gave in. While we are on our way for the restaurant, she tells me that how she really likes the way his cousin is groomed, sweet, full of etiquettes and et al. Well, thank you for that. It is a great way for one to celebrate your birthday by being indirectly told that I am somewhat a lousy person when it comes to etiquettes. The same person, who told you which hands you use your fork and knife with. Good one there! So much for the dinner. Thank you for the great gift. What happened later is another huge story. But in short, it made things even worse and made me miserable.

May 6, I leave for Pakistan tour after haven't spoken to her for over a week. I continuously kept calling her the whole night before the day we were supposed to leave. I told her and she gave me an ambiguous answer. Honestly, I didn't cared. I had to go through a lot in the whole last year and I wanted a break. And how could it get any better than going on a tour with your best friends. But then, somewhere in the mid of the tour, she checks my email and doubts me that I have somewhat been emailing this other girl. I swore over everything in my life to make her believe that I would never ever would do such thing.

We wrapped the whole trip 2 day earlier so that I could be back in city in time for our anniversary which is exactly.

To be continued..