Saturday, September 12, 2015
10 years and still rocking!!
And I am lucky that I never had to say "same shit, different day!".
Well, 10 years just is a long time. I accidentally stumbled upon my blog while going through a keen pakistani traveler's blog about his visit to Umer Kot.
And I can say my life is all about ups & downs.
I am married now. It was arranged by my parents. Alhumdulillah, I have twin daughters - now 10 months old.
Life's great. A lot of great twists & turns but everything fabulous Alhumdulillah.
Well, 10 years just is a long time. I accidentally stumbled upon my blog while going through a keen pakistani traveler's blog about his visit to Umer Kot.
And I can say my life is all about ups & downs.
I am married now. It was arranged by my parents. Alhumdulillah, I have twin daughters - now 10 months old.
Life's great. A lot of great twists & turns but everything fabulous Alhumdulillah.
Friday, June 10, 2011
6 years and still rocking!!
Been 6 years now since my last post. And how did I found out about my own blog. Well, thanks to google. Call me a narcissist, haha, I was searching for my name on google. And I stumbled upon my own blog. Reminds me of the time when I broke-up with my first every girlfriend. Things are not quite different even now. Its been almost a year since I have broken up with my second girlfriend of 4+ years. Over my own fuck-ups. Well, I am quite un-lucky to have lost her from my life.
I eventually think it is better for her. Being with her, it almost felt like that I was in one way or another holding her back. Or was she holding me back? We had lost the "spark".
Most importantly, she had been saying this to me for quite a while now that I had changed. Obviously, people do change when you start taking up responsibilities. I come from a business-oriented family, whereas, she was all about doing a job. I am not saying there's anything wrong with both the professional approaches. But one needs to understand, realize and accept the fact that two individuals with different professional approaches have difference in opinions. "Different" being the keyword here.
Anyhoo, all in all, she was an amazing person. A person that certainly everyone would love to have in their lives. Atleast, she used to make me feel complete. And that's what I always used to tell her. She was a like the missing piece of the puzzle for my life.
The only thing that I always disliked about her was that we used to fight a lot. Which is quite understandable - as it is genetic for girls. But when you are going through the roughest patch of your life professionally and everything that you worked for the last 5 years goes down the drain - the other person needs to take a step back and let the one suffering get some fresh air. Show them a new perspective. Basically, support them. This happened to me in start of 2009. And I strongly believe that was the time when we started drifting apart.
I know communication gap is one of the most common reason for a couple in a relationship to drift apart. That's what happened with us.
It took me 5 years to build-up an identity for myself in work industry and it took 6 months for everything I had earned to go down the drain in a new project. It was a huge set-back financially. Nevertheless, life moves on. I eventually would have moved on. One would know, it is difficult. But you certainly didn't made it any easier for me but feeling empathetic for your cousin who studied in Malaysia (really?) and is not able to get a job in Pakistan but certainly do not feel anything for my loss.
Start of 2009, I certainly made few mistakes. I had lost it, honestly. I couldn't think straight. Honestly, I couldn't. All I would think was how to get of this mess.
But fighting with me over the internet/phone when I am in a completely different continent trying to save my own ass doesn't makes my life any better. She could've realized this if she weren't selfish. But instead, she preferred to leave me secluded and enjoy and have a good time. I didn't had problems with that. But then, a few lines were crossed. It was 05-06-07 June. It was another huge blow for me. It would have been otherwise fine. That girl should have given it some thought, honestly. I mean wearing the dresses that I gifted you so that you can wear them when we both go out. But instead - you had a huge fight with me and then you wear them when you go out with other guys & then taking pictures for me to see. Sorry, I don't approve of it. Great work there, partner.
And then, when I try to argue and put some perspective into her - all she had to say was "it is a matter between Allah and her for what she did wrong". Well, if you really read Quran - you would've know that Allah doesn't forgives one until he seeks for forgiveness from the person who you had hurt in the first place.
Ever since then, nothing stayed the same. We both started drifting apart from each other. This whole "big" thing left a huge grudge inside me, honestly. From that point in time, till Decemer 2009 - our relationship went through a lot of ups and downs.
Very honestly, I do admit I also did injustice with her during this meanwhile. Things that I will keep regretting for the rest of my life. If I could ever take things back..
Come January 2011, it was her birthday. I called her at 1201 midnight. and she had already taken a lot of calls. Good start for your birthday. I called her at 12 but it was on call waiting. That's great news. The next morning I kept things light but she had to fight with me because her recently married best friend couldn't take 30 seconds out of her life to wish her on the birthday. She said no dinner and nothing. Very honestly, I was broke and I don't really plan financially so I couldn't send her any flowers and cake etc. But I certainly had planned to make it up for her by taking her to a lunch. But she said no as she was upset with her friend. I tried reasoning with her that she didn't need to ruin her day just because she cares more about her friend not wishing her. Instead, she fought with me over her. I got quite upset. I had a meeting with my customer later during the day and had to meet them over for dinner. The day goes by and we don't get to meet. Later, I got many taunts about this day but as usual - instead of accepting their own mistakes, girls have a easy way out by crying.
On my birthday, I received cake and flowers from her at my office. I am delighted. I tried calling her and asking her if we could go for dinner. She said no. After a lot of resistance, she gave in. While we are on our way for the restaurant, she tells me that how she really likes the way his cousin is groomed, sweet, full of etiquettes and et al. Well, thank you for that. It is a great way for one to celebrate your birthday by being indirectly told that I am somewhat a lousy person when it comes to etiquettes. The same person, who told you which hands you use your fork and knife with. Good one there! So much for the dinner. Thank you for the great gift. What happened later is another huge story. But in short, it made things even worse and made me miserable.
May 6, I leave for Pakistan tour after haven't spoken to her for over a week. I continuously kept calling her the whole night before the day we were supposed to leave. I told her and she gave me an ambiguous answer. Honestly, I didn't cared. I had to go through a lot in the whole last year and I wanted a break. And how could it get any better than going on a tour with your best friends. But then, somewhere in the mid of the tour, she checks my email and doubts me that I have somewhat been emailing this other girl. I swore over everything in my life to make her believe that I would never ever would do such thing.
We wrapped the whole trip 2 day earlier so that I could be back in city in time for our anniversary which is exactly.
To be continued..
Sunday, August 14, 2005
A fart can be quiet,
A fart can be loud,
Some leave a powerful,
Poisonous cloud.
A fart can be short,
Or a fart can be long,
Some farts have been known,
To sound just like a song.
Some farts do not smell,
While others are vile,
A fart may pass quickly,
Or linger awhile.
A fart can create
A most-curious medley,
A fart can be harmless,
Or silent, but deadly.
A fart can occur
In a number of places,
And leave everyone
With strange looks on their faces.
From wide-open prairies,
To small elevators,
A fart will find all of us
Sooner or later.
So be not afraid
Of the invisible gas,
For always remember,
That farts, too, shall pass
A fart can be loud,
Some leave a powerful,
Poisonous cloud.
A fart can be short,
Or a fart can be long,
Some farts have been known,
To sound just like a song.
Some farts do not smell,
While others are vile,
A fart may pass quickly,
Or linger awhile.
A fart can create
A most-curious medley,
A fart can be harmless,
Or silent, but deadly.
A fart can occur
In a number of places,
And leave everyone
With strange looks on their faces.
From wide-open prairies,
To small elevators,
A fart will find all of us
Sooner or later.
So be not afraid
Of the invisible gas,
For always remember,
That farts, too, shall pass
Monday, August 01, 2005
finally!!
finally i got a place where i can just utter out any nuisance popping in my head.. and i mean anything.. its been a while since the only thing that i've been doing is thinking... and a lot of thinking.. i've these thousands of emotions that i want 2 share with someone but i just simply dont know who. we all go through this or maybe its just me. but you really dont wanna come out as weak and vulnerable to others when you're going through a rough patch. atleast i dont.
things can go from wrong to worst in your life, and you feel pathetic when you realize when its simply nothing that you'll do will make it better, or worse. you feel helpless when you know it totally depends on someone else.
since the day1 we broke up, infact, she broke up with me. i was shattered. i've no emotions bubbling up in my heart anymore. except for my parents. believe me, i dont even feel like crying because i know it simple ain't gonna help me. i spent a year and a half with her, and its just that i just cant simply stop thinking about how life would've been if we had'nt split. these days, most of the time i just sit in front of my computer doing nothing but wondering why this happened, and how the fuck do i get out of this lousy phase. i wanna enjoy life again. i used to be a fuckin chatterbox and i wanna feel like this again. everything used to be so much funny and whacky. now i m going whacky. i dont even know how to keep a friggin conversation going on when a hot chick approaches me in a university. everything i say is usually in a stubborn attitude, bottom line i dont like talking to anyone. and neither want any1 to talk 2 me.
its been a long time, since i m usually on drugs and high everynite. i know this all makes sense and makes one jump to the conclusion that i've given up. but i just can't seem to help it. all this time when i am drunk, i seem to enjoy things. but the second i get sober i just feel like going to a place somewhere there's only my choice of music, alcohol and hash; unlimited in supplies, all alone. i don't need a fucking company. i just wanna sit and wonder. wonder where and what went wrong in my life that lead me to go through this fucking patch of life.
since, atleast for the time being i've decided to make this blog my crib you'd be seeing a occassional posts from me abt whts going on through my mind.
things can go from wrong to worst in your life, and you feel pathetic when you realize when its simply nothing that you'll do will make it better, or worse. you feel helpless when you know it totally depends on someone else.
since the day1 we broke up, infact, she broke up with me. i was shattered. i've no emotions bubbling up in my heart anymore. except for my parents. believe me, i dont even feel like crying because i know it simple ain't gonna help me. i spent a year and a half with her, and its just that i just cant simply stop thinking about how life would've been if we had'nt split. these days, most of the time i just sit in front of my computer doing nothing but wondering why this happened, and how the fuck do i get out of this lousy phase. i wanna enjoy life again. i used to be a fuckin chatterbox and i wanna feel like this again. everything used to be so much funny and whacky. now i m going whacky. i dont even know how to keep a friggin conversation going on when a hot chick approaches me in a university. everything i say is usually in a stubborn attitude, bottom line i dont like talking to anyone. and neither want any1 to talk 2 me.
its been a long time, since i m usually on drugs and high everynite. i know this all makes sense and makes one jump to the conclusion that i've given up. but i just can't seem to help it. all this time when i am drunk, i seem to enjoy things. but the second i get sober i just feel like going to a place somewhere there's only my choice of music, alcohol and hash; unlimited in supplies, all alone. i don't need a fucking company. i just wanna sit and wonder. wonder where and what went wrong in my life that lead me to go through this fucking patch of life.
since, atleast for the time being i've decided to make this blog my crib you'd be seeing a occassional posts from me abt whts going on through my mind.
i m back!
just one post.. with a rizla... and i already feel better. i dont know which one worked out for me but anyhoo i feel a tad better.
when a couple can't work things out and split. you live for the moment so you walk adrift from the past and let this bitter feeling go away.. if you don't, this bitter feeling would burn everything around you. you just don't feel the way you used to feel. this is exactly what i am not able to do. i just cant seem to get her out of my stupid brain!
a friend have been calling me a few minutes before give him a life to univ., but i feel like going alone. i just can't bear any stupid jokes.
another thing, that i was thinking about before is.. at times, there's a chick thats totally hot.. but when you talk to her each word is a like thrash bin emptied in your face. nothing she speaks makes sense and is totally lame. why can't just ppl think for a fuckin moment before opening their gutters. arrgghh!! i don't know and i can't help but somehow when they say anything like that my instinctive reflexes force my face impression to make them feel like a fuckin dumb lamb. lol. same goes for the my faggot classmates. one is too old for his age 2 take accting 1 course. other one is a cheap rascal trying to make the class laugh at his wise-ass comments, which i swear aren't funny, or near funny at all.. one of these guy is one of those limited edition skinny type ppl who unfortunately have to keep few coins in their pockets in order not to flow with the blowing classy breeze. a typical dehliwala. a 100% taaro. i m sure this guy carries 2 eyes in his pockets as well. enough of bitching!
nex thing that i plan to do is to watch thursday(1998).. the movie is getting better by every minute.. atleast for me.. but again maybe because its all about drugs?? who cares?
when a couple can't work things out and split. you live for the moment so you walk adrift from the past and let this bitter feeling go away.. if you don't, this bitter feeling would burn everything around you. you just don't feel the way you used to feel. this is exactly what i am not able to do. i just cant seem to get her out of my stupid brain!
a friend have been calling me a few minutes before give him a life to univ., but i feel like going alone. i just can't bear any stupid jokes.
another thing, that i was thinking about before is.. at times, there's a chick thats totally hot.. but when you talk to her each word is a like thrash bin emptied in your face. nothing she speaks makes sense and is totally lame. why can't just ppl think for a fuckin moment before opening their gutters. arrgghh!! i don't know and i can't help but somehow when they say anything like that my instinctive reflexes force my face impression to make them feel like a fuckin dumb lamb. lol. same goes for the my faggot classmates. one is too old for his age 2 take accting 1 course. other one is a cheap rascal trying to make the class laugh at his wise-ass comments, which i swear aren't funny, or near funny at all.. one of these guy is one of those limited edition skinny type ppl who unfortunately have to keep few coins in their pockets in order not to flow with the blowing classy breeze. a typical dehliwala. a 100% taaro. i m sure this guy carries 2 eyes in his pockets as well. enough of bitching!
nex thing that i plan to do is to watch thursday(1998).. the movie is getting better by every minute.. atleast for me.. but again maybe because its all about drugs?? who cares?
